Another day of firsts in a long list of “lasts” or as a good friend re-phrased it for me, “new beginnings.” The last visit at the Pediatrician seems like a benign enough event, yet somehow I felt like I was in a surreal bubble – observing and reliving at the same time.  The waiting room was full of families with bustling toddlers and cooing newborns – each bringing back memories of our own life and times as our little man was growing up. Each newborn nestled in a car seat pod, carefully carried by their doting new parents was a visual of how far we’ve come and a burst of joy thinking of the promise these families hold.

As I followed him down the hall for his last “well-child” visit, I was flooded with all the times before we’d walked down this same hall – from carefully carrying him in a car seat pod to holding his sweet toddler hand, to now – following behind a young man that towers above me walking tall into his young adult life. In the room, I sat watching and listening as the doc chatted with our son about all the “nexts” in his life – what his plans are, how to stay mindful and forward thinking as he enjoys his adventurous young adult life that lies ahead, thinking and dreaming BIG in this next phase that represents such vast opportunity (before some of those adult realities squeeze us a little too hard), being safe in intimate relationships, and how to navigate his own health in the coming years. It is an interesting space to fill – After 17 years, 9 months, two weeks, and a bit of days, our son graduated from something else a bit early – his Pediatrician. As I shook the doc’s hand, I tried to contain my voice crack as I thanked him for “everything”  which seems so miniscule compared to the years’ of care he’s provided. I followed our son back out the same hallway, out of the waiting room full of little souls and their adoring parents, and as I closed the door, I could feel that familiar wave of emotion welling up from within. I tried not to stare at him as we walked out of the building for the last time – when he asked me what was wrong, all I could say is that, “I can’t talk or I’ll cry.” Being used to me, he joked, “Why, because I’m all grown up now?”  I simply nodded and voice cracking said, “Yes, my love – that is exactly why.”